Miscellaneous Masa'il

Precautions with regard to children

1. You should wash the hands, face, neck, ears, groin, dirty clothes of your children daily. When any dirt and grime collects on the body, it causes a burnt effect on the skin. This later turns into a wound.

2. When the child relieves himself, wash him immediately with water. Do not suffice with wiping him with rags (or toilet paper) as this causes itching and inflammation. If it is winter and it is very cold, wash the child with warm water.

3. Make your child sleep separately and place two pillows on either side of him in order to protect him from falling off the bed. By having the child sleeping next to you there is the fear that one of his limbs might get smashed. We know for a fact that the limbs of children are weak. There is therefore nothing to be surprised about if they get injured. At one place a child got smashed in this way and was found dead the following morning.

4. Do not get the child into the habit of being rocked in a swing excessively because swings are not found everywhere. Similarly, do not get the child into the habit of being carried too much because this weakens the child.

5. Get the child into the habit of going to everyone. If a small child gets used to one particular person and later that person has to pass away or leave the job, this causes great problems for the child.

6. If you decide to obtain the services of a wet-nurse in order to breast feed your child, ensure that you get a wet-nurse whose milk is wholesome, who is young and whose milk is fresh, i.e. her child must not be more than six to seven months old. At the same time, she must be of good character and religiously minded. She must not be stupid, immodest, shameless, miserly or greedy.

7. Once the child commences eating solids, do not hand over the responsibility of feeding the child to the maid or domestic servant. Ensure that you feed the child yourself or you appoint a person who is mannerly and also reliable. This is so that the child does not eat excessively or too less and thereby falls ill. If you have to give any medication to the child, ensure that it is prepared in your presence and given to the child in your presence.

8. When the child reaches the age of understanding, inculcate in him the habit of eating himself. Wash his hands for him prior to eating and teach him to eat with his right hand. Inculcate in him the habit of eating less so that he is safeguarded from sickness and greed.

9. The parents should pay particular attention to the following. And if anyone is appointed over the child, he or she should also be instructed to pay attention to this fact, i.e. they should ensure that the child is neat and tidy all the time. When the hands and face get dirty, they should be washed immediately.

10. If possible, someone should be with the child all the time. When the child is playing around, do not allow him to run around and jump around excessively. Do not allow him to play in an elevated place. Ensure that the child plays with the children of good and respectable people. Do not allow him to play with the children of mean and wicked people. Do not allow the child to play among too many children. Do not allow him to play in alleys and on the streets. Do not go around in the bazaars and market places with the child. Teach the child appropriate manners and etiquette for different situations and circumstances. Stop the child from improper and unlawful acts.

11. If there is anyone appointed to play with the child, emphasise on the person not to take the child to improper and unsuitable places. If he has to give the child anything to eat or drink, he must first show it to the parents. He must not feed the child out of his own accord.

12. Get the child into the habit of asking from his parents and immediate family. He should not ask for anything from anyone else. Similarly, he should not accept anything from anyone without your permission.

13. Do not display excessive love and affection for the child or else he will become spoilt.

14. Do not make the child wear very tight-fitting clothes. Similarly, do not make the child wear very elaborate clothing (such as clothing that has gold and silver brocade, laces, etc.) excessively. There is no harm if the child wears such clothing on certain occasions such as eid .

15. Get the child into the habit of brushing his teeth with a miswaak .

16. In the seventh part of Bahishti Zewar (sixth part of the English translation) the rules and etiquette of eating, drinking, talking, walking, meeting people, sitting in gatherings, etc. are written in detail. Get the child into the habit of adopting all these etiquette. Do not depend on his learning them when he grows older or on the assumption that you would read them to him later in life. You should remember that a person does not learn anything on his own. Similarly, if anything is read to him, although he comes to know of it, the habit of putting that into practice does not come immediately. As long as a person does not get into the habit of adopting good manners and etiquette, then irrespective of how knowledgeable he becomes, he will always do things which are considered to be ill-mannered, inappropriate, and things which would cause pain to others.

17. Do not impose too much of work on the child in his studies. Set aside one hour for his studies in the beginning. Thereafter, increase it to two hours and then three hours. In this way, increase the work load in accordance with his capability and how much he can bear. It should not happen that the child is made to study the entire day. This is because he would become easily distracted on account of tiredness. Excessive work would damage his heart and brain. This would cause his mind and memory to become weak and he will become lazy like a sick person. This would result in his losing interest in his studies.

18. Apart from short holidays and without any real need, do not give the child holidays very often. This causes one to become dull and weary by nature.

19. As far as possible, obtain the services of a qualified and reputable teacher in whichever field the child is studying. Some people look for cheap teachers for their children. From the very beginning the method of teaching and studying is wrong and it becomes very difficult to set this right later on.

20. Easy subjects should be taught later in the day while difficult subjects should be taught in the morning. This is because one is tired and weary later in the day and will therefore become terrified of difficult subjects.

21. Teach your children, especially girls, to cook and sew.

22. When there is a big difference in age between the bride and bridegroom, this could be a cause of many problems.

23. At the same time, do not get your children married at a very young age. This is also very harmful.