Miscellaneous Masa'il

A few shortcomings of women

1. One of the shortcomings of women is that when they are questioned, they do not give a proper reply which would satisfy the questioner. They introduce many irrelevant facts and even then the actual thing which was asked is not known thoroughly. Remember that whenever anyone asks you anything, ponder over the actual meaning of what has been said. Thereafter give the appropriate answer.

2. Another shortcoming is that when a woman is given a task, she remains silent. The person who has ordered her to fulfil that task does not even know whether she has heard what has been said or not. At times, the person is under the assumption that she has heard when in actual fact she has not heard what has been said. As a result, that task is not fulfilled and when she is questioned about it, she absolves herself by saying that she did not hear. In short, that task remains unfulfilled. At other times, the person is under the assumption that she has not heard. He therefore repeats his order and the woman angrily replies: "I have heard! Don't "eat" my head." We can gauge from this that in both instances this results in ill-feeling between the two. Had the woman replied in the affirmative (or negative) at the very outset, they would have saved themselves from all this misunderstanding.

3. Another shortcoming is that when a woman wishes to give a certain task to the domestic servant or anyone else in the house, she will shout from a distance. There are two harms in this: One is that this is a sign of shamelessness and immodesty for it is highly possible that her voice will be heard out of the house and on certain occasions it will also be heard on the street. The other harm of this is that when a person shouts from a distance and issues orders, it is highly possible that some of the orders will be understood while others will not be understood. Those that have been understood will be carried out while those that have not been understood will not be carried out. As a result of this the woman will become angry and ask the domestic servant as to why she did not execute a certain task and the latter will reply that she did not even hear it. This results in each person blaming the other and the task remains unfulfilled. In the same way, when the domestic servant has anything to say, she does not enter the house and speak clearly. Instead, she stands at the door and shouts. Even in this case, certain things are understood while others are not. Etiquette demands that the woman should go to the person whom she wishes to address. Alternatively, she should call for the person and thereafter inform her of whatever she wishes to be done in a cool and collected manner.

4. Another shortcoming of women is that when they like something, they act impulsively and purchase it immediately irrespective of whether they need that item or not and even if they have to purchase it on credit. Even if one does not purchase on credit, it is a sign of great stupidity to squander one's money on unnecessary items. Extravagance and squandering one's wealth is also a sin. When you have to spend your money on a particular item, first ponder and think if there is any Deeni benefit in purchasing the item or any worldly necessity that would be fulfilled by purchasing it. If you find any benefit or necessity after pondering over the matter thoroughly, purchase the item. But if you find no benefit or necessity, do not squander your money. As far as possible, do not incur any debts even if it means experiencing a little difficulty or inconvenience.

5. Another shortcoming of women is that when they have to go into the town or embark on a journey, they delay in getting themselves ready. As a result, they are delayed in departing. If it was a long journey, they reach their destination late. If night falls and they are still travelling, there is fear over their lives and possessions. If it was a hot day, they become tired and weary and at the same time put their children under great stress. If it was during the rainy season, there is the fear of rain. Furthermore, it becomes difficult for the vehicle to move in the rain and mud. As a result they are further delayed. However, if they leave early in the morning, there are all types of conveniences and many alternatives. Even if one had to go to a nearby district and had to hire a taxi, the taxi driver is made to wait (on account of the woman's delay). Leaving late will cause you to return late, your domestic tasks will be delayed, you will be delayed in preparing the meals, the meal may be spoilt because of your rushing to complete your cooking, on the one hand your husband will demand his food and on the other hand your children will be crying for their food. Had you left early, you would not have experienced all these difficulties.

6. Another shortcoming when travelling is that women like to take along many unnecessary items. This puts the animal (that is to be mounted, eg. a horse or the car in present times) under stress, causes a shortage in space, and most of all, causes great problems for the men with whom they are travelling. It is the men who have to guard all the goods, very often they also have to carry the goods and it is they who have to pay the porters for carrying the goods. In short, it is the poor men who have to shoulder all the responsibilities while the women sit indifferently in the vehicle. Always carry few items when travelling. In doing so, you will be at ease all the way. Bear this in mind when travelling by train as well. In fact, one has to be more cautious when travelling by train.

7. Another shortcoming is that when they board a train (or any other public mode of transport) they inform the men to cover their faces (i.e. to lower their gazes) or to conceal themselves in one corner. After she has boarded, she does not inform the men that she is no longer a need to observe purdah . The harm of this is that those poor men continue covering their faces (i.e. lowering their gazes) or concealing themselves thus causing them unnecessary discomfort. At times, the men are under the misconception that the woman has covered herself and they therefore uncover their faces or come out of concealment, when in actual fact the woman has not covered herself as yet, resulting in the men seeing her uncovered. This is the harm of the woman not informing the men a second time. Had she informed them a second time, they would have all come to know that she is in the habit of informing a second time, they would all await her announcement and no one will come forward without first knowing her actual state.

8. Another shortcoming is that when a woman goes to someone's house, then the moment she disembarks from the vehicle, she barges into the house without even announcing her arrival. Many a time the men of the house are present and she has to confront them. You should not do this. Instead, prior to your getting off the vehicle, send someone inside to inquire and at the same time inform of your arrival. If there are any men, they will leave the room. Once you have heard that there are no men present, get off from the vehicle and enter the house.

9. In most cases when two women are conversing with each other, one of them begins speaking even before the other can complete what she was saying. Many a time, both of them commence speaking simultaneously and none of the two can hear the other's speech. What is the benefit in such a conversation? You should always remember that once a person has completed whatever he wishes to say, only then should the other person commence speaking.

10. Women are in the habit of leaving their jewellery and money lying around. At times they will merely keep it under the pillow or on a shelf. Despite their having locks and keys, they do not keep such items safely due to laziness. Later, if something has to get mislaid, she accuses everyone (of stealing it).

11. Another shortcoming is that if a woman is sent for a certain task, she will undertake another task at the same time. She only returns after completing both tasks. In doing this, she causes great stress and discomfort to the person who has sent her because he estimated the task to take a certain amount of time. Once this time passes, the person begins to get worried. On the other hand, this woman says (to herself): "I've come till here, let me do the other task as well." You should not do this. Execute the first task first and thereby fulfil his request. Once you have done so, you can undertake the second task at your own pace.

12. Another shortcoming is that of laziness. Women tend to postpone a particular task for a later period. In most cases this results in inconvenience and harm.

13. Another shortcoming is that she does not have any sense of urgency in her temperament. She does not look at the need and the circumstance - the situation demands that I hasten, therefore let me hurry and complete the task as soon as possible. She always opts for "taking things very easily" and going into great pains in doing something (that does not require so much of attention and formality). At times, this attitude results in the actual task being spoilt and the opportunity (of fulfilling it) passing away.

14. Another shortcoming of women is that when they lose anything, they accuse someone without any investigation. In other words, if a person was known to have stolen before, they accuse that same person of stealing again when in actual fact it is not necessary for one person to commit all acts of evil all the time. In the same way, when other evil acts are committed and she suspects a certain person, she will develop such a powerful conviction that she will even accuse good, innocent persons.

15. Another shortcoming is that when two persons are engaged in a conversation, the woman will try to enter their conversation without being asked to do so. Furthermore, she will give her own advice and opinions regarding the matter under discussion (without being asked to do so). As long as anyone does not ask you for any advice or for your opinion, you should be silent and remain as if you are absolutely dumb.

16. When a woman returns from any gathering or function, she has the habit of mentioning the appearance of all the women that were present to her husband. She describes the jewellery, clothing and adornment of all the women who were present. If the husband becomes inclined towards one of those women and his heart becomes attached to one of them, what a great harm will be experienced by her!

17. When a woman has to speak to a particular person, she does not wait for that person to complete the task in which he is occupied or the conversation in which he is engaged. Instead, she will intrude and impose on the person while he is still fully occupied in his task. This is an evil practice. You should only speak to him when he turns his attention towards you.

18. Another shortcoming is that when they speak, they speak in half measures and when they have to convey a message, they convey only half the message. The consequence of this is that the meaning and the message will be misunderstood. At times this causes the task to be spoilt while on other occasions it causes ill-feelings between the persons.

19. When a person speaks to a woman, she does not pay full attention to the person who is addressing her. She continues with whatever task she is engaged in or continues speaking to someone else. This causes the person who is addressing her to feel dissatisfied and at the same time he does not have any confidence in the woman fulfilling the task which he had spoken to her about. This is because if she has not heard everything that he has said, how will she fulfil the task completely?

20. Another shortcoming is that a woman will not admit her fault or mistake. As far as possible, she will try to "cover up" her mistake or justify it irrespective of whether it is justifiable or not.

21. When anything is sent to a woman (as a gift) and the quantity of that gift happens to be less or it happens to be of an inferior quality, she will look down upon that gift, accuse the person who sent such a gift saying that there was no need to send such an inferior gift and that the person should be ashamed of himself for sending such an item, etc. This is a very evil practice. He could only bring this much to you. He did not cause any harm or destruction to your personal property in bringing such an item. Women treat their husbands in the same way. Very seldom will they accept any of his gifts happily. In most cases they will find fault with the gift and thereafter accept it.

22. Another shortcoming of women is that when any task is given to them they will babble something and thereafter carry it out. When they know that they will have to carry out that task, what is the benefit in babbling? At the same time, they have caused ill-feeling to the person who asked them to carry out the task.

23. Some women are in the habit of stitching clothes while they are actually wearing that very garment which is being stitched. At times, they even poke themselves. Why cause unnecessary harm to yourself?

24. At the time of arrival or departure, women are in the habit of crying even if they do not really feel like crying on such an occasion. They impose this crying upon themselves out of fear that the person will think that they have no feelings.

25. Women are also in the habit of leaving pins and needles lying around. Very often, unwary persons are pricked (and thereby harmed).

26. Another shortcoming of women is that they do not protect their children from the heat and the cold. When the children fall ill, they run around asking for ta'weezes (amulets). They do not bother about giving the proper medication nor do they bother about taking proper precautions for the future.

27. Women are in the habit of feeding their children even though the latter may not be hungry at all. Alternatively, they insist on their guests to eat something even if they are not hungry. Thereafter, the children or guests have to bear the harm of eating despite their not being hungry (causing harm to their digestive system).